White trash and Ghetto infested BALTIMORE!

Yeah, the angry, devious yet fun loving black man is back with a story to tell. First I gotta give a shot out my boy MONGO. Welcome back bro. Second, Cuban calm the fuck down you know damn well we are all coming and are honored to be apart of the 1st ever Ministry wedding. Third, Kaiser is a fuckin genius. This page is awesome. Ok, now for the story.

In my adventures through the Mid-Atlantic states a couple of old friends relay info that there would be a FREE Papa Roach concert in Baltimore at a place known as Power Plant live a fine collection of bars and clubs that rival any other in the US of A. Heavy consumption was the goal of the night and that goal was completed with no interference. We enjoyed the concert, the "scenery" and the expensive fuckin drinks and proceeded to stumble and stagger to the car 3blocks away to beat the rest of the drunks out of the city before checkpoints and horrific gridlock sprung up. But not before some " Glen Burnie Fat Bitch Drama". Glen Burnie= a city in MD that no one wants to admit they are from but you can pick their pale, cavilier, civic or neon driving fat sloppy, krimped hair, country sounding crack whore looking ass out in any crowd. On our way to the car we stumble across some ass clown that couldn't handle his likaz and passed out by a parking meter cluthcing a McDonalds bag......Can't resist....Out comes the camera and a couple of dollars...harmless pic op. WRONG! Out of nowhere emerges this war elephant with all the characteristics I just named plus some. It demands we leave and not take the picture..we tell her to stand down and take her fuckin midol....that is whe the bitch lost her fuckin mind. The war elephant went on a rampage and threatened to destroy us all. We simply told her to go back to GLEN BURNIE and she inadvertently screamed that she was not from there( yet reaking clearly so). It continued to follow us taunting us until I gave in turned around and told her to stampede the other way making myself Ground Zero for the impending attack. I wash bum-rushed and slapped 5 FUCKIN TIMES IN THE FACE before i realized what was happening. That is when the beast had to be taken down. Grabbing one arm I tried to subdue raging whore but was then slapped with the other. I grabbed the other and Zambora tried to break free thus getting herself launched across the sidewalk onto the ground which resulted in one of her sandbag boobs popping out of her low cut moo-moo. She sprung back up as if asking for a genuine ass whooping. Fear reprisal I was dragged away but no reprisal was to be had. Funny enough her TRAINER AKA Boyfriend watched the whole thing and finally came to her rescue after the fact. He was smart enough to take her away with his mouth shut thus not getting his ass whooped although he could have prevented the whole thing. Obviously she had pissed him off earlier that night. The bad thing about it is I don't feel bad about launching her fat ass. I AM MAD BECAUSE THE WHORE MADE ME SOBER! Going big has been takin to a different level with inadvertent domestic abuse in clear view of the police who did nothing about it. Somebody put me down for 5 hrs of fun.

No Beer Left Behind

I need a vote from the captains here. No more half full beers at the end of a night. either drink them or dont open them. Ministry law?

Fuckin Base police

Just so everyone knows, Fuck the base police!
They think its funny to watch the civilians turn around in circles in the grass because they lock the side gate. Even when they know that that is where everyone and their uncle leaves to get off the base. I get paid more then you mother fuckers get over it!

Not just for the Captaincy

I need to have email address's for Taz, Tatanka, Gerber, SpecialK, and Spoon. After i have them, i can add them to the posting roster and they can make their presences felt on Gunnamatna. It's been too long here without the entire Ministry being able to vent about bullshit. and someone in their proximity will need to show them how to set up the google account thing if they cant figger it out.

nonsensical facts about garbage

Well i watched pan's labrynth, it ended up being an good movie, Except for the fact no one told me it was all in spanish....what the fuck is that shit. How about putting that in the fucking previews. If i wanted to read for two hours i would take a shit and buy a newspaper. And as for all the Crouching tiger hidden bullshits, why don't you do back in the old days and have shitty voiceovers. At least i can laugh about that instead of watching abunch chinamen flying around and expecting me to stare at the bottom of the screen for what the gibberish might mean.

And speaking of gibberish, i am tired of all the beaner army people coming up to me and asking me if i know spanish. No for the millionth time i am a mexican't. I just can't and now i don't even want to learn. So thanks again pan's labrynth for making feel like a worthless piece of yufit.

Laterz

A Coherent Ramble by a Madman

Well ladies and gentlemen it has been a long time since I have spoken with all of you. I would like to first state that I thank each and every one of you for defending this country, and I’m proud of you. After leaving you guys I went on to further my education at a wonderful community college. I discovered two things during this time. C’s get degrees, and cocaine is a hell of a drug. School work also interferes with drinking time. This was not and is not kosher. I also needed to leave my last job for health reasons. Not because I was sick but because my fellow workers who operated heavy machinery around my head were high on heroin or other wonderful narcotics, and would nod out from time to time and almost killed me twice. So I decided in Dec that I would try to apply my abilities in the UAV world once again. Long story short, I got a job with Insitu. 80% of the people that I now work with are more than qualified to own multiple pocket protectors. So like any moron in there wrong mind I drove from Jersey to my final destination of Oregon. 44 hours of straight driving. What a fucking nightmare. My ass hurt more than a twelve year old boy who spent a weekend with a Catholic Priest. During this massive amount of thinking time I decided that it was my responsibility to you to inform you on what states should be avoid. The most surprising state was either Iowa or fez I gotta give it to ya Wyoming. Yes at least they had good radio stations. Ohio and Indiana, avoid at all cost. Unless Jesus or country music is needed for your survival DON’T GO THROUGH THEM. Nebraska is just as bad, and it is just a big piece of shit. Idaho and Utah were OK nothing good nothing bad. Illinois at least has Chicago.

OFP

Hey Kaiser thanks for the re-invite, I was one of those that was unable to log on.
Now I finally log and see that Jolly Red made a post on room accommodation for our shing-ding on the 24th. Whats up?! No wants to go?? She got Zero responses (minus crank). I'd lke to think that it was because everyone is hard at work or unable to view the blog...I hope i'm right...for many reasons that I shouldn't have to explain.
If anyone doesn't want to go anymore send me a email and I will glady take you off the list.
Cuban B OUT!

Kyle Grooms

Chances are you havent heard about this guy. Hes a stand up comic, and fits into a mold of a cross between dave chappelle and Mitch Hedberg. He's as progressive as Chappelle, with the cleverness of Hedberg and a little bit of Chris Rock thrown in (the clean parts). I'm betting that he'll end up big sometime soon. I'll be saying I told you so by the end of the year, and if not, I'll try to break Fez's MadDog record.

Posting Issues

Some of you have reported trouble posting, so ive deleted your accounts and invited you again. as soon as they come back up, i'll promote you again, hopefully that fixes the problem.

Also, the new Monarkos & Bwaaw has been delayed due to my excusion to the 'Oming. As soon as i get back I'll work on it, and try to pump them out on a more regular schedule.

Attn: All Nightowls

I need to know what type hotel, how many rooms, and how many nights every one is planning for Nov 24 Go Big celebration. I have a preferred hotel for around $50 a night and within walking distance of where the reception will be held at. If you want it I need to make reservations ASAP!

Kaiser Edits: Come on JR, you know better than to post your email address!

From Animal

Well, well, well. Now, as an outsider of the Nightowls, my post might lack some validity to the hardcore members, nonetheless, deserves notice. It appears that the mighty Capt Vin has made a terrible "faux paus" in his actions today. I do not know the extent of his previous nights adventures, but I do know that the good 'ol Capt thought it would be wise to venture to medical for "evaluation" this morning with the complaints of headache, throwing-up, general symptoms that would lead even the dumbest person to believe that he was suffering from a hangover, not to mention our crackpot group of medical experts...well, I guess that former versus the later would lead you to the stellar Navy Corpsman that support us. Anyway, I am not sure of what was going through his mind at this point, but, according to my knowledge the use of the "hangover chit" was done away with after the Marine Corps Ball fiasco of 1978, and that should be common knowledge even for the most absurdly hung-over person. I do given Vin credit for going were few attempt to go and actually try and getting out of a days work, legitimately, with a SIQ chit for having a hangover. Bravo good Sir!!!

Posted using hatemail from George "Animal"

Pirate Down

One of the Pirates, my former Clan from the O'ming, was killed yesterday. I'll be heading down there for the services, and to rally the Pirates to GoBig in his honor. The Pirates were much like the Ministry, except with much more destruction of property.

2 Margarita, 5 beer, 1 jaeger, 1 tequila

Thats the recipe for my latest GoBig night. Also, I think I may be getting a motorcycle sometime in the future. American Choppers is my favorite TV show now, and I want one. I need to know when you guys are getting back so I can be there with enormous amounts of Ackahol.

Short timer’s attitude…

Yep that’s right, that’s what I was labeled by our Self Centered, CO sucking, Micro Managing, FuckTard gold clover out here! All because why?.......I don’t give him the proper greeting when I see him!! Is that ridiculous or what! Hell Vin, Fez, and the rest of you that have re-enlisted or extended, you are the hero’s of this Marine Corps! You pain loving freaks!! This shit is not for me!
On a lighter note, Gunny T and I continue to ridicule the hell out of Banjo. He has been a constant center of laughter here at the site; with that cheddar filled mouth and that rag tag bobbling head. Btw it will be Capt Banjo here soon…is that idiotic or what!
So Jolly –Red is enjoying herself down in Cuban Country right now, damn wish I could be there right now. Oh yeah I watched Grandma’s Boy…holy crap was that hilarious…talk about a quote movie
Alright fellow inebriated owls…have a good one..
Cuban –B –out
*Nov. 24th – A New Meaning of Going Big-

Couple of things....

This is the 200th post in GUNNAMATNA history...our bi-centennial..hot damn...anyway..I never thought I would be longing for the day I could shipped off to TQ. I am going to turn into raging psycho if I don't get the FUCK out of here(TOO LATE). All Go Big'ng has been put on hold...people are getting soft and getting on my fuckin nerves. I am on the verge of expelling another Nightowl from the ministry due to his punk bitch behavior. It does no good to be nice to certain people they will only use that to fuck you in the ass....so fuck them...from now on it is cut-throat, asshole, prick, heartless bastard to all who fuck us over....Let start thinking about this years uniform update....If your name isn't on the commissioned list on this website then you don't get SHIT! Loyalty, Respect and having each others backs is only practiced by the few of us "real" Nightowls that remain. Fuck this shit! Oh yeah Wooly/MONGO should definitely be on here but we all know how he feels about computers.lol.. If bitches keep getting expelled we are gonna have to DEMOTE some Senior's to fill billets....what do you think? JOKING....

We need to get Wooly on this site.

Kaiser, that needs to happen. Well folks it's Cinco de Mayo and since i am like 8 percent mexican. I feel it is my obligated duty to tell you to Go fucking Big. Huge, not for me, not even for yourselves, but for those crazy beaners who just want to jump the border and sell some oranges under an overpass. Be inspired by every landscaper who answers you with "Que?". They swim across the rio, jump the fence, and even crawl under just to take care of the shitty jobs, god bless the poor economy of Mexico, for blessing us with cheap labor, and more unwanton racism.
So tip back a corona, take a shot of Cabo and be glad your are not a wetback.

chimichangas for everyone,
fez