The Oming cornholes California

A bowl game for WyJammin against Fresno State turned into a right assfucking for the hollywood eliteist pricks. The Cowboys finished off Fresno State's yuppie entitlement in double overtime after a goal line stand where the Oming stopped Fresno on 4 straight plays from the 1-yard line.

Its happening bitches. Wyoming is coming for Cuban's Canes, Crank's Buckeyes, and is already better than Mongo's Rutgers sorry bastards.

Lets go muddin

or how about not. the new Kaisermobile will be staying on the pavement, thank you.

What The Fuck?!?!

Fellow drinkers and other social deviants,

I realize that I have been absent from the bloggings. In the next week, I will be blogging about my vista exploits, embarrasments, regrets and debauchery.

For now I will leave you with this nugget, There is an establishment called Vinny's, after 10 wings and beer you can shit fire. I actually prayed to god to get me out of that situation. Haha, the worse part I was in a club. Too bad my ride thought I pulled a houdini (where a drunk person randomly dissappears. Well the left me at a club, drunk and with swampfire ass. Laterz.

fez

White-and-Black Failure

Medieval Times, we must go as a team. 1st Force Recall attacked the Anaheim location with the fury of a thousand drunken demons. We were 10 strong, but alas Kaiser was not drinking, for I had brought my own wench to the battle. the others however, went as big as possible.

Two 44oz glasses of beer apiece before the show, and many many more between them during the so called tournament, as the White-and-Black Knight's section rocked far louder than any other. It was midway through the show, when Medieval Times brought forth a travesty in eliminating the Knight with the loudest fanbase in the arena, White-and-Black. The very first one to go.

I dare you to let that happen with the Nightowls, MT.

A Sound of Thunder

Rorshach's journal: September 25th

530 am, I wake up on an air mattress, no idea how i got there. I remember i'm in yucca valley with Vin, and Fez. New Nightowl Panda showed up with scip scap Hosier. gallons of beer gone in minutes, a 5th of seagram destroyed. along with whatever this broken glass under my feet used to be.

upon further inspection the entire shelf of what used to be pictures, a vase, and a statue of betty boop lies in ruin next to the mattress. The last memories i have from the night before are being carried somewhere, dropped, and Vin shoving a handful of cotton candy in my mouth. Fez is awake now. I get up and show him the destruction on the floor, which ive half cleaned up by now. he slaps his belly and steals the bed.

615 am. I wake up again to some god awful phone alarm. cant figure out which one its coming from, they all look the same and are right next to each other on the table. Panda wakes up and punches Hosier in the stomach. they both leave and i take their bed. more memories return of flaming homo black guys on TV and the 3rd Nightowl slideshow.

Kim is commissioned Nightowl Panda, and a small corner of the town called yucca valley is proper fucked once again.

Fish hooks in the balls dont make me smile

Imagine if you can, a man working at mcdonalds. the man decides one day he should probably not spend his life working there and decides to quit. a year later, some random mcdonalds manager hes never seen before comes up behind him with a fishing pole, casts the line over the mans shoulder and hooks him right in the balls. the manager then reels him back to some McD's store to work another year against his will, frying burgers on the grill with a fake minnow stuck to his nutsack and bleeding.
Survey says that guy would be a little bit pissed about the whole scene.

So since RIPTOA is tommorow, CLB-7 decided to start giving out the awards. Rumor had it i'd been put in for a NAM. fine with me, cool if i get one of those, if not, oh well. As i stood there watching everyone get their NAMs and Circoms, i figured i wouldnt be getting anything, which would also have been fine with me. then they called my name, but before they read the citation, the SSgt holding the award apologized. wtf.

A meritorious mast, as i was later informed, is one step below a circom. Apparently the CO thought it would be best to have them give me something lower than every single person who recieved a medal, circom or w/e the fuck. and his reason? Well it wasnt that i wasnt working enough. 12 on 12 off, for 7 months with no break. doing two jobs at once, when the other person in the room needed to go get her nails done or cry to the docs about the sand in her vag. nope, the CO decided that because i didnt smile enough when his bitch ass came into the COC, over rides everything else that happened during this fucking stupid deployment.

Nothing would have been better than that piece of shit he approved for me, it at least would have been less embarassing, not to mention the SNCOs wasting all the time they put in trying to convince that faggot of whatever it was they thought i should get.
Anyway, from myself and the mcdonalds worker, sitting here with jagged metal in our balls from being yanked back into the boat, would like to give a loud "Fuck You" to LtCol Karega, USMC Commanding.

Youre god damn right we arent going to smile for working here again.

Go Big Roadshow

The passage below was sent in response to a picture Fez sent over email, by my dad.


I was just in North Dakota visiting Kaiser's sister Jamie and on behalf of your Gunnamatna I would have done you all proud. I drunkinated 5 chicks and 2 dudes that were staying at the Motel/RV Park CASA....Minot, ND USA. Worthy of Gunnamatna......I shall never know but one thing I do know......the bitches crawl the same no matter how fitshashed they get ! 2 into my room (fun had by all) the other 3 were found in the morning in the motel shower stall for truckers and the dudes.......in their RV's, damn pussies !

PS. Chicks dig electric iced tea and will drink it until their tits fall out !

Vegas 09

Enjoy......and no thats not Vin or I sharing a beer with Jolly

Jack

I have commisioned Nightowl "JACK" about a week ago. internet was too screwed up to post it. he has gone through the FULL prospect checklist with very limited resources, something not many of them have been able to do with entire liquor stores close at hand. Jack is the callsign granted, because nobody i have ever seen can drink that shit like this guy. He will be attending Nightowl functions when we get back, seeing as how we'll be stuck at Pendleton for like a month before we get out.

The players can now go fuck themselves

Jay Cutler demanded to be traded from the broncos because he got butthurt about trade "rumors", fucking up the last 3 years of building around him. Chad Johnson is officially and legally named Chad Ochocinco. Michael Vick, Brett Favre, and Terrell Owens have their usual dumbfuck things going on. Plaxico Burress somehow shot himself in the leg. Tony Romo's biggest career highlight is putting the sausage to jessica simpson. These alone are enough to make you want to beat pro atheletes into a coma with various blunt objects.

But if you follow college football or the draft, youve heard the name michael crabtree, who just spilled a full orange jubilee on the 49ers locker room carpet. This greedy little fuck is threatening to sit out his rookie year because some other receiver who was drafted higher is going to get paid more. This means Crabtree would be re-drafted next year and if he were picked high enough, would make a couple more million bucks. are you fucking serious.

He thinks because he was projected to be taken earlier in the draft than the guy the raiders took, darius heyward-bey, that anything lower than darius' 23.5 million a year is unacceptable. Its bad enough that rookies are being paid 23.5 million at all before doing anything but holding up a jersey with a zero on it, now the pricks are getting their panties in a wad because someone ELSE is making 23.5 million and they arent.

before either one of them has done jack shit.
I'll follow the Seahawks and watch all the games with other teams that i can, and continue to be interested in who wins, but players do not exist anymore. I no longer give a rats fuck about any of these scumbags. player merchandise is nothing but shit to be left in the store. if i want a shirt or a jersey, there will be no number or name on that bitch until these cocksuckers realize they have it made from playing a god damn game.

the end.

Nice

Hey oh

So yeah, I have been stuck in Oregon for another month for god knows what reason. Mongo found his way through here on his way home and we had some serious nights. One of which with a Mr.Ryan Meyer.

About not posting.

Well folks, Indeed, I have let down the spirit of the nightowls. I have been staying sober. But this friday, Kronik shall be in town and we will be hammered off our asses.

But I want to know about the rest of you. Cuban? where are the drunk stories? Jolly? Mongo? Hell they don't even have to be drunk stories. Just posts of ridiculous. Vin, I know you have some. It is getting pretty bad, that it is just Kaiser and myself doing the posting.

An update.

Got drunk, bought a paralyzed kitten for 4$.

One week later, got drunk. Get attacked from behind, finish the fight by coating a new shirt in his his faceblood.

The end.

Something

Well i'm bored as fuck. theres nothing interesting on the internet, roomate is sleeping so i cant do anything noisy. So lets ramble about some shit.

Going Big. I like to think of going big as a term of enlightenment. Bros with popped collars and fake sun tans are hitting the clubs this very minute, thinking they are going big. They order jaegerbombs, but likely have a favorite energy drink included in the shot, like it makes a fucking difference. in between their shots, which they probably call J-Bombs or JB's, they'll slow down with a couple mike's hard lemonades, and maybe even a natty light they'll pretend to chug.

Aside from their faggotry in their inebriation technique, they will ignore the thus far unwritten rule that conquering an area involves rallying the locals around your group, and eventually becoming the epicenter of Going Big for everyone in the vicinity to gravitate to and learn the ways of the Nightowl.
Not the Bros. In between hugging eachother and posing for "prison inmate stare" group photos where they throw fake gang signs at their iPhone camera, The Bros will annoy the living fuck out of each and every bartender, waitress, bouncer and customer in the place. Screeching noises they call laughter coupled with atrocious attempts to freestyle rap into an empty mike's bottle one of them spilled are the acts of the hour. Constantly referring to women as bitches and any man not in the group as fags will ensure that nobody within the area code will intentionally speak with the Bros or party in their remote proximity.

In short, These are the Antimatna. They are not without use however, as their presence allows the Nightowls to leave that much clearer of a mark on any society we touch. The Bros will always be just another group of "those fucking idiots" to the people unfortunate to meet them, which alone brings the Ministry's influence all the higher in the eyes of the soon to be conquered.
For me personally, the Watchhogs, Turkeynecks and SajMaj Express' of the world have fallen by the wayside. The Bros are now the most pathetic of species to me, and seeing them fail time and again to truely Go Big is a priceless bonus to take home.

Mons Venus

Some of you might find this a little strange that I am writing about this and not the Cuban, but I feel as though this place needs to be mentioned. Through the word of mouth I herd of this strip club called Mons Venus and that unlike normal strip clubs this one is very unique. Unique indeed, not only do you get to touch the strippers who are completely naked, fondle them but the lap dances are a respectable $20-$30. There is no Champagne room at this place no booth to secretly hide while you get your dance, no way! this is all done out in the open so everyone can see the show. As the Cuban and I were just watching the madness going on around us someone bought a dance sitting next to us. little did I know but I soon find out why this place is so popular. As I gawk at the un-tattooed, un- pierced, amazingly gorgeous blond doing a hand stand split backwards beside of me. I realized none of these girls had fake breast, all were what looked like to be in there 20s, they all had the proper amount of teeth and seemed to have a very good personal trainer. I wanted a t-shirt from this place but they did not have my size, plus the Cuban said per rules I could not get a t-shirt with out a lap dance. Anyway hopefully I will next time.

T-Shirts.

Got em.

Hockey and Tennis

To everyone whos been telling me it must be great to have the Penguins and Steelers win championships the same year: Fuck You, i hate the steelers, im not from pennsylvania.

Im am happy though, seeing Fez following the team and getting riled up over this too, thats a first for as long as I've been a fan of hockey. I'd love to talk about the penguins winning the cup and all that kind of stuff but, there is some business to attend to.

namely this:

An ad for ticketmaster abusing sacred language of the Nightowls. They didnt even get the damn wording right. Of all the sporting events there are, does tennis really seem like the one to go big at? aside from the occasional stabbing, the people who go to tennis matches are probably there to catch up on their sleep.

Going Big at the US Open would get you ejected. So fuck ticketmaster, this is the highest degree of false advertising.

No, you cant have weed

There are much more important things that need to be legalized first.

1.
I want the right to strangle the fuck out of people who absolutely cannot function without someone feeling sorry for them 24 hours a day.

2.
I want the right to throw a coffee mug at the forehead of anyone who, whether they are even included in a conversation or not, is determined to make any topic that can be spoken verbally about themselves.

3.
Being drunk in public hurts nobody but the taxpayers when the arrest is made. being a buzzkilling narc can potentially lead to large quantities of civil unrest. do the math.

4.
I want the right to open-palm-throat-strike anyone who asks me if im doing alright more than once a month.

This list is completely unsatisfying in its briefness, but the rage boiling over is preventing me from thinking straight enough to write anymore at this time.

Shirts?

Whats going on with these? Fez I know that your busy getting Anally violated in Vegas... I need to flaunt the Gunnamatna colors in Afghan when i get shitty drunk on friday.

Vegas

90 minutes in Vegas, a pit boss put her finger in my ass...... Let me rewind.

Before I even left my house, at 11:30 in the morning, i had already had 3 beers. On the drive to Sin City, I finished another 16 which had me showing up in Vegas a little smashed already. Well i decided to play black jack as soon as I got there. The drink people at the Sahara are great for letting you have 2 drinks all the time.

Well the Pit Cougar (yes, the cougar magnetism is at fault for this), was flirting with me, i didn't think anything about it, because i was in a friendly mood. Even after i lost my money, I was still happy because i got plenty more smashed.

Having no more cash to gamble with i went to the in casino convienent store for liquor and snacks. And who happens to show up, the pit cougar (my friend believes she followed me to the store, like an actual wild animal stalking her prey), I had already paid for my stuff and while my friend was paying for beer and cigarettes, she started to get close to me.

Mind you, at this point, I am far from sober. My senses were dulled, so in the wild, i would have been the gazelle with a broken ankle...easy prey.

I offer her a cheeto (yes an actual cheeto, i bought some snacks at the store)....now i don't know what that means in vegas, but in Wyoming, that means would you like a tasty snack.

Well she passed on the cheeto and slid her hand down my pants and credit card swiped my B-hole. Now her finger never actually penetrated the barrier, but i clammed up. Walked out of the store with out saying a word. The terror of a strangers hand giving you a tap tap at your back door is not something i want for anyone.

The best part, is my friend said that he thought she a knife to my back. He said the look on my face was that of pure fear.

After that incident it was a fun two days, I got drunk, vomited at Denny's, passed out shitting at Walgreens, made an ass out of myself at the club, and eventually hit a lucky streak at gambling in Ceaser's Palace. My liver hurts, I feel like a rape victim... Cant' wait till we have a nightowl reunion and go to vegas.

Deployment is the mother of invention

Happy mothers day, Deployment, from your son, Invention.
From the same desperate times that brought us the Ripdog, comes two combinations which produce winning formulas for possible go bigdom while separated from a proper fountain of flavaz.

The Seahawk:
Have you ever wondered why the giant refrigerators at the DFAC are stocked to the gills with that shitty ass fruit cocktail nectar? I think i know why. It was done as a favor to an unknown officer who wanted to make sure he never ran out of the shit, so he could mix it with his imported seagrams. thats right. Seagrams is good enough to be consumed all by its lonely, but mixing it with the Infidel Juice (75% Seagrams, 25% Juice" produces a distict flavor likely to surprise an imbibing Nightowl. It somehow is the perfect combination to cancel out the shit flavor parts of the whiskey, while leaving the warm burn that lets you know youre still on the rollercoaster to embarassment. the "Sea" comes from Seagrams, the "Hawk" comes from the surprise attack the flavor brings.

The Fly: Gilbeys' Vodka and Mountain dew. A 50/50 mixture of the two. Remember any time youve ever had a jack and coke, and you could tell how strong it was because you could most definetly choose to examine the volume of either ingredient just by paying attention, something that comes from being able to taste both of them independantly of each other. This one is called The Fly, because in its perfect genesis, creates an entirely new flavor, neither vodka nor mountain dew, and it is definetely acceptable for the territory. If you still dont get what "The Fly" means, go watch the movie of the same name.

Gunnamatna.

God...Damn......String...

Bitch, Go help Gunnamatna untie the knot.

Interesting

Cruising through facebook, I stumbled upon the most recockulous IQ quiz advertisment.

Ground side, Bilbo, and Cobble Wobble

Wow. So much shit has happened and i feel like its gone by so fast its only been a few weeks. first off, thank god i was recalled as a sergeant, because the ground guys treat everyone below that like complete shit. Ive actually had to sit down and have a talk with a female LCpl about why she shouldnt call me sergeant every 2 seconds. for christs sake the rank isnt punctuation. Even though this is a shitty supply battalion, It boggles the mind how different it is from the wing. I'm not going to say "OH IVE BEEN GROUND SIDE YOU GUYS JUST DONT KNOW....YOU DONT FUCKIN KNOW" all im saying is thank god for the wing, because ground units are fucking stupid. I have never seen so many NJP's for stupid shit in my life, and our CO is a total piece himself! classic case of a trick ass. no let me rephrase, this guy REDEFINES the definition of trick ass. Imagine if you will, the most self serving scumbag on the face of planet earth, being put in a position where he has 900 toy soldiers to move across a map like hes playing a game of risk. except the only problem is, hes moving them across territory he already owns. so what does he do? well, he fucks with them of course! since there is nobody here to outroll with double sixes, he just starts throwing infractions around like fucking captain sobel from band of brothers. so yeah like i said before, its gay.

On to my next point, which involves Fez.

Fez. i want you to read this as if youre seeing it yourself. Youre sitting in an office in front of a computer, and behind you a door opens. you hear the pitter patter of little tiny footprints, and you know whose they are. its SSgt Bilbrey, the 5 foot nothing munchkin who resembles a hobbit 10 times better than yufit ever could. I am not even fucking kidding. I cannot count the times i have thought of your reaction if you were to see this guy. dude...seriously, i dont even know what else to say, i'm going to have to take a picture and post it for you to believe the amount of laughter i get at this guys expense, because i know, no matter how much i may get used to him being around me, you would never NEVER be able to keep a straight face while he is in the same room.

Lastly. Jolly I have not gotten your package as of this date, but, i have gotten one from fez and my dad. and let me say, good got you guys have found a way to go big through the postal service. Already i have more booze than we had in OIF3 and 4 combined. just to give you an idea, my dad sent 750ml bottles of seagrams, gilbeys and capt, and i receieved a bottle of COBBLE WOBBLE from fez. ANYWAY. that is a lot for now. all I can say is Gunnamatna! and i am fucked up from the seagrams my dad sent. gunna. fucking. matna.

Have Fun Golfing

Thats right pig fuckers, I hope you enjoyed your 6 games of the playoffs. Maybe next year you wont collapse like....well, like the Flyers. For a while there it looked like "Flyers Hockey" might well be alive still, and the broad street bully strategy wasnt a tired prehistoric failure.

Then the Penguins realized something. Daniel Briere looks like a pasty, freakish mixture of a hobbit and michael jackson, with the biggest difference being that the hobbit has a ring. This little phenomenon of human genetic mutation is slightly less intimidating than your average quadrapeligic chihuahua with its mouth glued shut, and was a prime candidate to be shoved around like gary coleman in a biker mosh pit.

anyways it was fun watching them blow a 3-0 lead with their season on the line, it was a good pick me up after a shitty day. Thanks for the charity work.

If you want to feel a little better.

Start reading some of these peoples horrible lives and feel a little better about life.

http://www.fmylife.com/

Request

the deployment is getting gay. extremely gay. assistance is needed in the form of you know what. if anyone is able to help, it would be greatly appreciated. dont care what it is, but a portion of Teq is preferable. again i cant stress enough how gay it is here. this is the gayest "combat" zone ever. its gayer than richard simmons at a hotdog eating contest.

sgt "Kaiser", CLB-7 H&S
41735 FPOAP 96426-1735

that is the magic code to deliver salvation to the middle east. fuck the starving fucks in somalia for now, let them hijack sally strothers' barge full of rice if they want to eat.

http://youshouldhaveseenthis.com/

Funny old lady

Fez

As most of you might know already, I am not the most well spoken individual out there. In fact, I am one of the most low-down, fucked up, arrogant, and dick headed people when it comes to addressing people and their feelings and shit. So with that in mind, please keep in mind, I write as I speak. There will be a lot of "yo" and "fuck" and "shit". Who knows, maybe some mother fuckers and all sorts of other shit that is involved in my daily regiment of language.


Flash Back March 19th - 715pm EST

Had a long day at work, so I decided that when a few people addressed the fact that they hadn't seen me in a bit, I went to Otts (the local bar). Arrived around 8, and it being somewhat of Spring Break or some shit, I see a ton of people that I know but whom I could give two flying fucks about or about their shitty fucking lives and what they are doing with their fucked existence. So I shrug them off as quick as they came over and continue to pound Corona's (no fruit, if I want fruit in my drink I will order a raspberry cosmo or some other faggot shit) and mind erasers, ith total intentions of being home by 11pm so that I can be on time for work friday. Needless to say 11 had come and gone and I am still at the bar, drinking like a fucking fish and getting dangerously close to getting flagged and asked to leave. So my brainiac idea, preemptive strike that flagging and just leave, I NEED TITTIES IN MY FACE was being shouted as I left the bar. I now find myself in the parking lot of my favorite titty bar, wad of cash in hand, a sick pack in the other and nothing but tits and ass on my mind. I stumble to the door, and realize one shitty fucking fact. NO ID! They wont let me in. I left it at the bar on the oposite side of the highway. SO I walk back to my car, go to grab my keys, dont have em, look in all my pockets and the ground, NOPE! I peer into the window my keys are in the ignition. So i have 2 choices here:
1. Call my parents, get them to bring me my spare key and take the hit on tits and go home.
2. Walk to the bar, grab my ID, get tits in my face, call a cab, get my spare and get my car in the morning.

Being the clever Nightowl I am, I obviously choose option 2. I start awlking my happy ass across the street (6 lane highway). I then decide, this walk is taking long ( maybe about 300 yards or less from the tits to the ID), I sit on the Jersey Barrier and drink a beer. Go get my ID, get titties in my face from my favorite tittie bar stripper, and call a cab. No cabs at 2am on a thursday night, in fact nobody i know is awake, and i have no fucking awy to get the fuck home. I start hoofing it, i get about half way, when gods good grace shined upon me. I am walking passed the 24hr McDonalds and I see a car that I recognize, so I walk up to it, nobody in it, i wait about 30 minutes and out from the motel accross the way comes my boy, with a shit eatting grin on his face. He wanted titties too, but went the whole other way about it. All in all I got home at 330 in the morning, took a shower, and passed out on my floor. I was late to work, took me forever to find my spare, and was still drunk all the next day, almost destroying my entire friday (like that is possible).

I have another story, but I ill save that for a bit later.

What the foooooook.

Does anyone else look at this anymore....is anyone going big?

Well I don't have any good stories to tell, except i blacked out 2 weekends ago and i woke up with Moby Dick Sister.

Please people, start posting about some debauchery soon.

Alright

Well, i decided to try to design a shirt. I am going for cheapness here, but i still want it to look cool. The back would have all the names and the front would be gunnamatna and the motto.

I think everyone should try to design a t-shirt and we would go with the best one. I used a site called: www.uberprints.com

Fez

Death of a Tolerance

So here I am, in Al Asad, my new duty station. I can hardly describe this as a deployment, since my job is basically to sit on my ass and watch movies on the share drive. However there is still a major significance to me during this faggotry.

Before coming out here, I had been in the states for over two years consecutively. Over that period of time i built up by far and away the most impressive tolerance of my life. during the run up to the deployment, a 12 pack was used nightly to get myself a little bit drowsy so i could sleep. Whenever the other recalls asked about my drinking, the hows and whys always came back to my time in the golden years of the Nightowls. Of course they didnt fully understand, but a few of them were eager to join in and be summarily punished by the flavaz.

I will greatly miss this tolerance, even though it cost a fucking fortune to drink when i wanted to.

Fez, your trip to philly is definetly one of the greatest things i have ever read. That weekend should have its own campaign medal for all involved.

Blaze, How have you not been promoted yet? The latest post about you seals what should have already been a deal. Senior Nightowl it is.

peace for now bitches, Gunnamatna.

New Jerseys

So,

Kaiser, I have been wondering where you got the jersey's from. I want to make some new ones. Certain folk don't have any, and i believe it is time to get everyone a jersey.

Any ideas?

fez

For Booty Calls that have no excuse typing on the MATNA

That's right, you have to earn a spot to type on here. Check back into your proper place.

Hall of fame week

In order to help Fez move he came up to my house to pick me up so we can move his shit to AZ. He comes up on the 2nd and mayhem ensued. First two nights where kinda slow just went to some local bars and took it kinda easy. The night before we were sup to leave it was a great moment in drunken nightowls history. Fez didn’t go big he went huge. The Day started out with lady problems with both me and fez’s bitches. I get a call at 9am from Fez asking what beer I would like to consume and if I want a breakfast sandwich from Dunkin donouts. By noon the monster had consumed a 12 pack and half a bottle of baileys and yes… Lazo would be jealous. By 5pm he had made numerous drunken phone calls and made a complete ass of himself that the night had just begun. We decide to go to a local bar where I know most of the people that go there with blaze me and the animal. Blazes Ex shows up a little later. We get there and fez buys everyone chili fries and beers. Winks and tells all the waiters and waitress they are cute and makes names up for them and actually gets one of the names right. I decide it was time to go after an hr because I want to be able to return to consume beer at this place again. On the way out he frisks blazes girl…when I say frisk I mean grab and grope. I bring him home and watch as he starts to fall asleep so blaze and I roll back out to the bar. This time we are drinking at chilis. We aren’t there for a few minutes when I get a phone call from my brother telling me he is trying to leave. I tell him to take the keys from him. When I get back to my house Fez is in tears crying for his keys and asking my brother to drive him to AZ for 500 dollars…. And 1000 if he doesn’t. After this he keeps bugging me and my brother for his keys so I get tired and tell my brother to give them to him and let him kill himself. Well he called my bluff and now I had to stop him from leaving. By dodging an upper cut from Ryu I throw him to the floor and get on top him and start strangling him as he is telling me I’m so tough because I can beat him up. Tears start again… More drunken phone calls to a chick to tell her he is pissed at her and tells her he loves her instead. Then we smoke cigars and calm him down to go to sleep. There is more to mention but I don’t have the time or inclination to deal with it. Just know it is in the top 3 drunken madness moments I have ever been privileged to be apart of.

Blaze the Monster

Date: Feb 15 2009,
Place: Otts, Untapped and Mongo's house

I show up to a drunk blaze at Otts, but i was sober, so i figured a couple shots won't hurt, 4 mind erasers in 30 minutes and a couple of beers. Otts closed at midnight since it was a sunday. So we head back to Mongo's.

When i show up to Mongo's, i see Blaze in the driveway screaming "Titties in my face, Titties in my face" and executing the correct dance to go with the song. Asks me to go, and i declined, for i had a date for the night.

Then the monster shows up an hour later, completely hammered, calling strippers to come over. Blaze has reached Go Bigdom. Well after no strippers show up, he decides he needs to leave, i talk him out of it and steal his keys.

I can't remember the exact chronoligical order of the night ( for i was not sober) but here are the events of drunkeness.

Blaze, -ate pizza off the ground
-didn't recognize his room, and decided he needs to home
- cried (actual tears) that he needs to go home
- called everyone on his phone to take him home
- then grabbed my dates ass, and to make amends for that, he grabbed my ass and reached under for a ball grab ( i was holding up my date, for she was a little drunk, that is why i was unable to stop him)
- then at the end of the night, decides to ask me if he can sleep on the couch...at his own place, and thanks me and cries again.

There is a probably a few more things i can't remember, but it was hilarious.

San Diego Campaign

This place is way to huge to be conquered in one night. So, over the weeks weve been taking chunks out of it and the end is near. the cities of Chula Vista, Oceanside and Carlsbad have all felt the wrath. National City is coming, as is Irvine. The scene here is definetly Nightowl worthy.

-Chula Vista: Went to a spanish club with my roomate Victor, and our scip scap friend Chapparo. My roomate did most of the conquering in the place, while i was challenged to drink some mexican skank under the table. After thrashing her in a few rounds of screwdriver chugging, she proceded to bust her ass outside while smoking and get us both kicked out for being too drunk.

-Oceanside: Went to a place called Coyote to celebrate Veronica's birthday and pick up chicks. Along with Wilson, Fuhrmann, and Rakestraw (who are all hellacious lushes), we owned the club. some chubby darkness forced me to dig my fingers into her ass, then threatened to kill me 5 minutes later because i discovered her shoes were lifted. Later Fuhrmann and i decided to pick up two girls by telling them i was gay. somehow we pulled it off, and had their drunk asses on us all night.
-sidenote: whatever the fuck it is that i do on a dance floor, i guess people like it. i just thought i looked like a smashed retard

-Carlsbad: This was last night. after pregaming and playing some pool at "pizza, wings 'n things" myself, Victor, Caldwell and Gibs (our swope) went to some fucked up Irish shithole for about 10 minutes. Victor was disgusted by our surroundings, and informed us that we were in southern california, not southern Mississippi, and to G'head and get the fuck away from there. We found a place whose name i dont remember yet, and busted a set of about 8 milfs wide open. The rest of the night went down like a script out of a movie about pickup artists, and I now have a 40 year old booty call named Alison. Vin, you would love these places the most, since they have a semi strict dress code, there wont be any of that Glenburnie shit around.

SuperBowl moment, 2009: Brenda Warner is a dumb bitch

Kurt Warner is probably an ok dude. but jesus titty fucking christ he needs a new squeeze. being charitable is one thing, but being so driven to look like a saint among sinners as a hypocrite is another.
Apparently, the warners have a tradition of picking up the check for another table when they go out to eat. nice gesture, perfectly cool. And then Brenda opens her mouth and blows it.

“I had been a single mother living on food stamps at one time who couldn’t ever afford to eat out, and I never understood why people give free meals to people who can afford them.” This is her quote. so what do they do friday night? At the cheesecake factory in Tampa, Kurt and his whorepaint covered wife pickup the tab for a group of 20 steelers fans.

In Tampa. At the cheesecake factory.

Uh...hello brenda, a group of 20 fucking steelers fans in tampa can probably afford their own god damn meal in addition to their airplane fare and superbowl tickets. How about giving up your ugly ass ridiculous royal blue "felt n' fur" coats and slop some chow into a bowl for homeless people if you actually care about the needy.

Kaiser, Relax you fuckin psycho!

Instead of a rant about how you are gonna be better than us. Put this in your spank bank and imagine the possibilities of this.

A New Kaiser

(Retracted Faggotry)

The Last 2 Nightowls leave the nest.

Finally the time has come for P and Fez to leave what has become haven for SCIP-SCAPS, SKIC SKANKS and SCALLY-WAGS. Yes, people we are leaving the tree and setting the bitch on fire.