Reality Beer Commercials #1 - Coors Light

Coors Light. Ive been drinking it a lot lately, far more than anything else. I do enjoy it too. Ive never been one to shun a beer entirely based on price or the bitchy reviews of the elitist fucks who like to turn up their noses at such drinks. but that's not why I'm here today.

Today, instead, we take a look at the overall retardation of one of the staples of American television culture, the beer commercial. not to nitpick about anything legitimate, but to look inside the reality of these 30 second spots on getting hammered and picking up chicks. First up is Coors Light.

There are people standing in a bus in Miami or Los Angeles, somewhere hot. Sweating their balls off so much that one of them is so desperate, either from heat exhaustion or alcoholism, to try to magically summon relief  using a bottle cap, saved from his last bender that probably caused him to lose his driver's license, hence why he now rides the bus.

Then a miracle occurs, as a chrome freight train materializes in the middle of a metropolitan area, already firing past buildings at Amtrak full speed, spraying ice, water, and obviously dropping the temperature to 34 degrees, Coors' stated climate from brewing their drink in the rockies. Not only is this incredibly inconsiderate for the people who are perfectly fine with this nice weather, they are now feeling like theyre freezing to fucking death, having not been even remotely acclimatized to such a change.

Even putting aside the sudden chill of 5,500 foot mountain air sweeping through what was sweltering heat seconds ago, there is now a fucking unstoppable train screaming through the neighborhood. Obviously there are no tracks here, because trains dont appear through wormholes in the middle of business districts. So this train, on no tracks, is barreling across open streets, mutilating possibly hundreds of fucking pedestrians, smashing sidewalk businesses, and destroying the taxpayer funded roads. Millions of dollars in damage and untold families ruined just because some asshole wanted a beer.