Monday, May 30, 2011

Zig Zag's

So I just got back from a bar in Seattle, if that is its real name; more like a library with drunk people in it. If I had a hammer to throw at each hipster douchebag in the place, I could hold a barn raising with a single nail for each one. The full name of the place is Zig Zags Cafe.

CAFE.

By the time I left it was a miracle that a re-enactment of the battle of sterling, live from Pike Place Market wasnt happening on the news. The streets would have run red with blood, broken iPads, and irony. because for some reason, irony is a trend for faggots now instead of just a word for when something weird happens.

In the 29 years of my existance, never did i think i would wake up and imagine i'd spend any part of that day listening to an argument about the best organic lettuce. but there i was, seeing two pencil necked goatees verbally slap fighting about the most efficient way to keep their vitamin count high and their colon spring time fresh.

The urge was strong to drive an armored humvee through the wall and grab the nearest female, stuff my cock down her throat and start firing off a 357 from each hand, all the while screaming the lyrics from Pantera's "Cowboys From Hell", and i'm not even a republican. the whole scene could not have been more gay if Justin Bieber had walked in with a fucking popsicle in his hand.
anyway, thats my story and i'm sticking to it, like a money shot sticks to Hugh Laurie's steering wheel after getting road head from Shia Lafaggot.

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