On july 8th i left Bremerton for Greybull, Wyoming. It was supposed to be a 4 day trip. At about 2:30 am on the 22nd I made it back home.
Taking my roomate back to WyJammin is about a 14 hour drive. somewhere around 4 hours into the trip, 20 miles from Spokane Washington on interstate 90, the driveline fell out of my truck. And by fell, I mean it dropped out of the front U-Joint, dug itself into the road and polevaulted my fucking chevy two feet into the air, and on the way out managed to destroy the gas tank, and finally rolled across the freeway creating a motocross jump for a scion hatchback.
After gathering the twisted remains of american engineering genius from the road, and waiting about 45 minutes for a good samaritan that never came, I decided that the truck should be pushed toward the nearest town. with my roomate steering i provided the push downhill to the shitfarm down the hill. after maybe 50 yards the truck was moving too fast, and for the next mile or so i rode on the bumper holding the tailgate like marty mcfly going to school on his skateboard.
then the truck started to slow down. minutes later, i'm pushing this god damned S-10 uphill in 90 degree heat, watching the road go by like a route recci from abu ghurayb to ramadi. not too long though, as a gigantic SUV packed with mountain bikers from some granola bar commercial stopped and hooked us up to their tow strap, dragging my sorry ass vehicle into the town. from there i used my contacts (my dad) to get a tow-truck to haul the shit heap to a gateway to hell called Cheney. after assuring me the truck would be ready the next day, the mechanic shop / tow truck business dropped us off at a motel conveniently located 10 feet from the local railroad.
after getting drunk and passing out, we awoke the next morning to the news that the truck would not be ready, and indeed was going to take 4 more days to fix. So my roomate, running out of his epilepsy meds, caught a bus to wyoming, leaving everything he owned in the back of my truck, which was recovering at the Banjo approved auto garage. 4 more days of watching TV, eating the local cuisine of hamburgers smaller than mcdonalds, whacking by bag, and a bottle of Orange Jubilee a night, and at last i get the call that the the truck is ready. So i walk down to the shop, and lo and behold the fucking truck needs another day. Fuckface the scandinavian has either ordered the wrong part, or the hillbillys he ordered it from put the wrong shit in the mail.
one more night.
The next day the truck is ready, I pick it up, and charge across the western plains of fuck you I hate everything at this point. Since I missed the TWO FUCKING DAYS A WEEK the drivers license place is open, i have to stay an extra 5 days in wyoming, doing jack shit. I get the license, and the breathalizer i require to be hooked to my fucking ignition because I went too big and got a DUI in May, and recklessly fire my tired ass back towards Washington like a 50 cal round.
Total damage: $900 for the driveline and gas tank, $270 for the motel (and paying the desk jockey to drive my roomate to the bus station), about $100 for food, smokes and booze, $260 for the ignition lock and drivers license, and about $250 in gas money.
God Damn It.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Drunkfest 2010
March 31st 2010 marked the beginning of the fourth Drunkfest. even though i'm probably the only one participating, it has lived up to the non-existent hype so far. as the hour closes in on the start of Day 3, once again i prove to the world that i am an irresponsible alcoholic and a drain on my community and nation, and am part of the collection of idiots that thinks getting hammered for a week straight is a noteworthy accomplishment.
since Drunkfest is not an annual event, the heralding of future Drunkfests may include death, rejection, and the all time leading cause, involuntarily becoming single.
since Drunkfest is not an annual event, the heralding of future Drunkfests may include death, rejection, and the all time leading cause, involuntarily becoming single.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Suck my Irish ass!
Okay fuck head I get it! youre irish! SO IS ALMOST EVERYONE ELSE.
just because you have 1/72nd part Irish blood, doesnt mean you own the fucking town. its god damn st. patty's bitch, and youre barely Irish, get the fuck outta my face.
Those of us who actually ARE Irish can agree, we want EVERYBODY in on this! although i cannot vouch for the Guido fucks. sure if you say youre italian thats cool, however showing up at the bar with a fake tan, popped collar(S), and hairgel streaming down your fucking rat chin like Michael Jackson salivating at a daycare playground, you might want to go home, tuck it back into your asshole and fall down backwards, because you can go fuck yourself. as far as i'm concerned the Bros are not welcome.
anyway back on topic. Drunk bitch with 3% Irish heritage, shut the fuck up. the song is not about you, you arent related to the dropkick murpheys bagpipe player, and nobody gives a rats fuck that you just lit the wrong end of a cigarette and made your breath smell like burning plastic.
god damn it have a non scip-scap and/or triflin bitch filled st. patty's, and Gunnamatna!
just because you have 1/72nd part Irish blood, doesnt mean you own the fucking town. its god damn st. patty's bitch, and youre barely Irish, get the fuck outta my face.
Those of us who actually ARE Irish can agree, we want EVERYBODY in on this! although i cannot vouch for the Guido fucks. sure if you say youre italian thats cool, however showing up at the bar with a fake tan, popped collar(S), and hairgel streaming down your fucking rat chin like Michael Jackson salivating at a daycare playground, you might want to go home, tuck it back into your asshole and fall down backwards, because you can go fuck yourself. as far as i'm concerned the Bros are not welcome.
anyway back on topic. Drunk bitch with 3% Irish heritage, shut the fuck up. the song is not about you, you arent related to the dropkick murpheys bagpipe player, and nobody gives a rats fuck that you just lit the wrong end of a cigarette and made your breath smell like burning plastic.
god damn it have a non scip-scap and/or triflin bitch filled st. patty's, and Gunnamatna!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
You Fucking Suck part 2
Pittsburgh Pirates
This has been the most ass fuckingly depressing team in professional sports for close to 2 decades. 17 losing seasons in a row. not 17 years without a championship, playoff win or a playoff GAME...17 years without a team that won more games than it lost.
its not just the players fault either. their part of the blame comes from being a squad of rich tools that will get paid more in one year than most people make in ten whether theyre any good or not. and they arent any good. the owner however, has been cashing in on the fans and generating the largest profit margin in history for any single owner business by fielding these no talent vomit piles, and waiting for them to fail so he can sign the next fringe loser who'll play for the league minimum.
since the people of Pittsburgh continue to take the short bus to the stadium and pay the same prices a winning team does to see this atrocity, no wonder the asshole will never sign free agents worth a shit or develop potential stars.
Good thing they just built that brand new stadium a few years ago. hopefully the bowl has enough flushing power to send this diarrhea chowder all the way to hell.
This has been the most ass fuckingly depressing team in professional sports for close to 2 decades. 17 losing seasons in a row. not 17 years without a championship, playoff win or a playoff GAME...17 years without a team that won more games than it lost.
its not just the players fault either. their part of the blame comes from being a squad of rich tools that will get paid more in one year than most people make in ten whether theyre any good or not. and they arent any good. the owner however, has been cashing in on the fans and generating the largest profit margin in history for any single owner business by fielding these no talent vomit piles, and waiting for them to fail so he can sign the next fringe loser who'll play for the league minimum.
since the people of Pittsburgh continue to take the short bus to the stadium and pay the same prices a winning team does to see this atrocity, no wonder the asshole will never sign free agents worth a shit or develop potential stars.
Good thing they just built that brand new stadium a few years ago. hopefully the bowl has enough flushing power to send this diarrhea chowder all the way to hell.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
You Fucking Suck part 1
The worst of their leagues
St. Louis Rams
6 wins in 48 games over the last 3 years, a dead owner, and the quarterback you replaced with Marc Bulger has owned your division and reached the Super Bowl last season. But what a great story Marc Bulger has been...oh wait, nobody knew who the fuck he was in 2003, and after starting the last 7 years, he may as well have never existed.
who needs defense, an offensive line, receivers, draft picks, special teams or a coach with a brain? obviously this team is fighting for re-location; theres no other way to explain a professional franchise sucking so much asshole. Sadly, a few of the players, like Stephen Jackson actually like the city, want to stay there, build a winner, and finish their careers in a place that makes Adam Lambert and Elton John playing gravy tag look sanitary.
On the plus side, if the Rams leave, its another nail in the coffin for St. Louis, and we're one step closer to having a merciful controlled detonation of the entire shithole.
St. Louis Rams
6 wins in 48 games over the last 3 years, a dead owner, and the quarterback you replaced with Marc Bulger has owned your division and reached the Super Bowl last season. But what a great story Marc Bulger has been...oh wait, nobody knew who the fuck he was in 2003, and after starting the last 7 years, he may as well have never existed.
who needs defense, an offensive line, receivers, draft picks, special teams or a coach with a brain? obviously this team is fighting for re-location; theres no other way to explain a professional franchise sucking so much asshole. Sadly, a few of the players, like Stephen Jackson actually like the city, want to stay there, build a winner, and finish their careers in a place that makes Adam Lambert and Elton John playing gravy tag look sanitary.
On the plus side, if the Rams leave, its another nail in the coffin for St. Louis, and we're one step closer to having a merciful controlled detonation of the entire shithole.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
MAY 1st
For everyone wondering why I have not made that many post in the past, here is you answer SCHOOL! Fortunately for me my schooling will be complete this spring and I can continue with the ways of a true Nightowl. First order of business get drunk and have a roasted pig in my back yard. For all of you who have not tasted the wonders of a Lazo cooked Cuban pig you my friends have not lived yet! So I am officially inviting every one to fly, drive or ride their way over to Florida on May1st and enjoy the wonder of free food and enough beer for even the most experienced Nightowl to have his fill. I will be making a posting on facebook to announce the event but I figured all the people still in the military need some time to plan a trip and take leave etc. Let me know by mid April so I can make arrangements for airport pickup, and Hotels.
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