GUNNAMATNA

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

OOPS

Okay here is my leave update (since you all are dying to know J)..
First I have completed day 12 of not shaving, I look like a damn Iraqi! Which sucks, but who fucking cares…
Today was an exciting day to say the least,
Jolly Red and I decide to take our little c-130 r/c plane out to the park to “fly” around. I put quotation marks on the word fly for a reason. The first attempt to fly it was done by Jolly Red with some success (in the air for a good 3 min), unfortunately that would be our last.
I took the controls over, after having told her that anyone can fly an r/c plane….
Shit…was my next thought
Why? Because I crashed the damn thing into a freaking tree, I’m talking about the sucker was stuck at the top of the pine tree about 25ft up. So for the next 35min we attempted many techniques to retrieve our rouge r/c. From throwing rocks at it, to trying to shake the tree (Vin wish you were there for that one), and even throwing a tow rope at it; with the hope of pulling the branch down that it was nugged into. ALL FAILED!
Finally I resorted to my ancient Cuban Instincts…..
I chucked a 2x4 like a spear and knocked the damn r/c to the ground!
Mission Success…….Until, we tried to fly it again, with myself at the controls away from the tree line I desperately needed to redeem myself, however upon take off I did an Alston style right turn and nose dived the little r/c into the ground completely removing the front nose wheel.
So on our last and final attempt I held the r/c up in the air with jolly red at the controls, and attempted to fly again….However this time their was no way to fix the r/c, shortly after take off, Jolly Red banked hard left, and crashed the little shit splinting it into two piece (the fuselage broke in half).
So then we picked up the pieces and retired for the day……
Vin and Fez I give you guys props…..this shit is not as easy as I thought…

Women overall

Women are hard to figure out, plain and simple. I don't know what to tell you, they are all different and half crazy. I won't apologize on behalf of them, but I will say this: just keep looking there is someone out there.
Just a message from the neighborhood female.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Women....

Cuban-B, be thankful you have one of the good ones because the rest of them are fuckin crazy..bitches. (NO offense Jolly).

ATL

I'm officially cancelling this weekends shit too much conflict bad timing etc......Drop in the bucket, no big deal...anything else anyone could suggest for the weekend after maybe? Let me know any ideas. Savannah? Charelston?. I also figured the drive to ATL was unfair on your side 8hrs vs 5hrs...hmmmm no.

Assimilation

I propose that we open the borders. well, not exactly open them, so much as expand them. when were done with the war and get our money straightened out, i propose that the USA and mexico gel together to integrate the mexican people into our own. stupid plan? maybe. but how about this...we wont have a problem with border security across a huge expanse, just that little part that joins with central america, and if so many mexicans want in, why the hell are we stopping them? make them legal, and we can help each other.

Right now, mexico is like a 3rd world country, you think that they wouldnt love to have jobs from our building contractors to turn that place around? for you republican fuckers out there, there would also be a shit load of the younger new americans joining the military as well. I have a vision of the new mexico with spanish style buildings...that arent falling apart, and without garbage and dead dogs in the roads beside them. for the old fucks who are tired of vacationing in florida, you know you would like to hit the beaches on the gulf down there, and think of the development of them? these places could become prime targets for Nightowl congregation. of course, this plan would take a long time to finish just the citizenship paperwork, and it would have to be agreed upon by the vast majority of mexicans AND americans, and thus, will never happen. I just thought it would be cool though.

Leave or stay...

This is keeping me up tonight. When asked why i wanted to EAS by the OPSO, i explained that i wanted a break from Iraq. 4 whole deployments is too damn many. i even said getting the 1st half off would be enough for me to sign back up. what i got in response was "we need you to instruct, you need to teach iron nail, the commandant says blah blah", and the best part, that "it sets a precedent for others to try to get out of deployments if they end up in the same situation".

Oh yeah? well that kind of answer sets a precedent that the command could give two shits about its troops. If youre going to preach the commandant's letters to the corps, dont bother including anything about loyalty, brotherhood, and taking care of our own, because these bastards dont care one 10 second fuck about the morale or state of mentality for their guys. I'm in a unique situation, in that i can walk if the cards dont stack up. The thing is, im not even asking for that much. Its a give a little-get a little situation for our command. Well they expect me to give them a ribeye steak with a garden salad, loaded baked potato, and all the beer they can handle, while they try to leave a 50 cent tip.

I want to stay at the unit. i love the work, the people i work with, and i love being able to say that i joined the hardest service in a time of war, and gave up the best years of my life to defend my country. So, when i get back, i'll have a proposal ready for them. its a deal or no deal type thing. Their reaction will tell me everything i need to know about their feelings towards me. If i get the same answer, that i'm another "+1" on the sorts sheet, and my time so far isnt worth 3 months of sanity for 22 put in, then I'll know. I'll know that everything ive been fed so far has been horseshit, and I shouldnt spend 5 more seconds in the military than i'm obligated.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

The Number 23

Do NOT go to see this movie. looks cool in the previews right? Jim Carrey is already a creepy weirdo when hes doing comedies, and now, he actually plays a creepy weirdo in a serious movie. I wont give away the ending, so heres a little analogy. Imagine if at the end of Crank, Carebears showed up at the end to magically cure Chev with rainbows from their bellies, and then the cops finally catch him and say, "Oh! you had to kill all those people in self defense! damn we almost made a huge mistake by trying to arrest you all day!" needless to say, it would have been fucking stupid. like the number 23.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Wyoming: The west's Stalingrad

This one is harder than I thought it would be. obviously I'm going to have to retreat and bring re-enforcements next time. after the crazy ass shit that happened at the bar last night, I've turned this into strictly a recon mission. And this is only the small town of Greybull. The point is, Wyoming will not be conquered by one Nightowl alone. I'm sure in the future Fez can help me out up here, since last year, and i forgot to add this in the conquests, we took Laramie and made it our bitch in one night. but as i was sitting at the bar watching the redneck version of katrina annhialate the smokehouse saloon, i realized that only a group of Nightowls will be able to do enough damage to make a mark on this place.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

FTS! FUCK THAT SHIT

Well then! I guess I have been put in my place....FUCK THAT! If no one wants to go then I will occupy myself elsewhere. I really don't give a shit anymore period. HAVE FUN IN IRAQ ASSHOLES. and i agree with the "illegal alien" about being a Nightowl as I too think it is a joke to some people and if they don't wish to involve themselves(at least once a month) with the bond that is us then why the hell are we wasting our time? I'm seriously about to wash my hands of this shit because I'm starting to think it is a joke because we don't even follow our own "by-laws". I'm pretty sure that i typed this all in vain because maybe one person may read it. In closing I'm not forcing anyone to do anything I just wanted to know since it is only about a week away. I know the answer now and won't waste my time asking again. I hope you all get hit by a BUS!

ONE MORE THING

Hey Kaiser, thanks for the great news about the Nashville Predators....I have been looking for that information all week

Glossary

7-Day Store: The closest alcohol purchasing station to 4296.
96: A 72 hour liberty period.
Advon: A group who receives the special favor of returning home from an Iraq Deployment early. Persons who are given this privilege have usually sucked the necessary cocks to meet the minimum Advon requirements.
Alamo: A dilapidated rectangular building with an open center. A hive for SgtMaj Express passengers who live in an illusionary state of mind that gives them a false sense of security from a building that would be condemned even in The 'Oming.
Aries2000: Ancient Jedi weapon used for popping balloons, cauterizing paper cuts, removing tattoos and labeling its owner as a jackass.
Banana Slap: A near sacred ritual in which a passed out Nightowl is punished for retiring early for the night, by being smacked with an over-ripened potassium capsule. Can also be used on "Scip-Scaps".
Baraka: A facial disfigurement in which the victim appears to have been in a head on collision and smashed face first through both vehicles' windshields. With Ten being the pinnacle of female sexual desire, and One being the bottom of the barrel, these creatures are considered "under the barrel".
Bounding: An athletic sport that truly defines a Nightowl's agility.
Break-In: Smashing through a 4296 window like the Kool-Aid pitcher in a rallying attempt to persuade another Nightowl to Go Big. Also used when alcohol runs low, and the only remaining source is behind said window.
Camel Jockey: An individual who lives in a hardened mud hut, which possesses more satellite dishes than walls. Owns a vehicle that can only be operated using a skill called the "Flintstone Method", and can be seen firing weapons at clouds and playing Catch the bomb.
Cannon Vomit: Releasing the contents of ones stomach in a manner that resembles a collapsing levy in New Orleans.
Chicky Selecks: A food preferred by Dr. Gonzo, ordered in an asinine voice at the McDonalds drive through.
Chin Parasite: An alien from outer space that attaches itself to people who are subjective to addiction and self destructive habits. Results in binge drinking, compulsive gambling, gluttony and excessive masturbation, to feed the chin's sinful impulses.
Cobble Wobble: 2nd in line to Goldschlager in taking Vin to the highest levels of Going Big. Supreme violence and a loathing for people who are not going big at the time are the main side effects of Cobble Wobble.
Code Red: A drill in which a loud noise is reacted to in such a way that an observer would receive the impression that planet earth had been taken over by giant flesh eating mutant aliens packing RPG's and mortar tubes.
CTB: Catch The Bomb: The most popular sport in Iraq. Includes running, hiding and the overall goal, catching the bomb, which consists of breaking the fall of an object with your body, and scoring points by leaping into the air and spreading yourself over a wide area.
Dale Earnhardt: A fictional deity worshipped by mullet headed greasemonkeys,
Dick Stomp: Much like a dog having its throat crushed by a collar chain as it attempts to escape the yard, having your Dick Stomped is what happens when you try to apply logic to a situation, only to be stopped by someone who has a greater rank than you, and insists that things will be done in the most difficult and painful manner. This tactic is most common with members of a SgtMaj Express.
Dr. Gonzo: A state of mind achieved by Fez while going big, transforming the normally docile Nightowl into a Tasmanian devil like abomination, with equal quantities of shame and degradation. Also see: "drunk like tice"
Drunk Like Tice: A loud, annoying, possibly sobbing, uncontrollable form of self loathing and pity. Usually resulting in nudity and the feared "Cannon Vomit".
Eduardo Procedure: The art of cryogenically freezing mortally injured creatures to preserve their lives. Side effects include: death.
Faggotry: An adjective to describe ideas or actions deemed moronic or inappropriate for continuance.
Flak and Kevlar: A pair of restrictive clothing articles designed to make life suck even worse than normal at TQ. Includes Neck Chafer and Ball Bruiser attachments.
Flavaz: A reference for any type of liquor.
Florabecity: A disease that is spreading through Florida like the black plague through Europe. Causes Pig’s Ham in all affected subjects, and delusions of sex appeal, leading them to believe they should wear clothes designed for strippers.
FTS: Fuck That Shit; Used when a proposal or idea is counterproductive to the collective satisfaction of present individuals.
G'head: Permission to proceed.
George Bush: President of the United States. Former coke head, now just smokes reefer. Has single handedly ruined the credibility of the US presidency, while Horsefucking the Nightowls and jacking up gas prices.
Gnome: A repulsive, normally red headed creature who attempts to use rank pulling as an exit strategy when a plan to haze subordinates goes horribly wrong. Gnomes' feeble livers have almost zero tolerance to depressive liquid, leaving them red faced and unable to maintain even a modest grip on their surroundings after 2-4 oz. of any alcoholic substance.
Going Big: Drinking far in excess of what ones own alcoholic tolerance will safely allow, turning said person into a destructive, stumbling ball of violence and incoherency.
Goldschlager: A drink with gold flakes, a hint of cinnamon and made infamous with an incident involving Vin, Kaizer, an early evening retirement, Thunderbird, several other Nightowls and a banana. Heavy use of this item will result in Cannon Vomit or an unexplained Pile of Vomit (depending on the Nightowl in question).
Gunnamatna: As the unofficial war cry of the Nightowls, Gunnamatna can be heard from the upper deck of barracks 4169 during weekends when excessive intake of MadDog, Goldschlager, or other "Power Drinks" has taken place.
Half-Erection: Kind of hard, but pretty limp. Faces down, not straight at you, kind of like snuffalufagus trunk.
Hearts and Minds: The positions to aim the crosshairs of your paperweight if confronted by an Iraqi citizen.
Heathen: An individual who does not partake in the refreshing consumption of alcoholic beverages, regardless of legal age limit.
Hoggin': The acquisition and seduction of a female whose physical appearance is similar to John Madden. Should not be attempted unless you are in the midst of Going Big, and should be executed with extreme caution.
Horsefucked: A yearly occurrence which is a direct result of being a part of VMU2. see Iraq deployments.
Iraq Deployment: Also a yearly occurrence in which a Nightowl is cutoff from all opportunities to GO BIG. It is also a time in which a Nightowl's mental sanity is tested. Upon his or her return each Nightowl must go through the refresher GO BIG syllabus, which can be completed in one night, or on the Ireland to CHPT leg from TQ.
Ireland Leg: Following a deployment to TQ, the Nightowls may stop in Ireland on the way back to 4296. Timing is critical, and the best drinkers know to buy Liquor from the store instead of waiting in line for 1 or 2 nasty ass beers.
Jib Lip: A physical mandible deformity which causes a person to look as though they have spent the better part of their life using their upper jaw as a hammer.
K-Span: A structure built in TQ made of a wooden interior, designed to rot after just a few years use, and aluminum outer shell, to create up to 6 times more shrapnel in the event of an attack.
Long Island: A term used when eliminating 4 hours of your lifespan without getting anything in return.
Loud Noises: A common occurrence in TQ, created by controlled detonations and outgoing artillery fire. Can result in "Code Red".
MadDog: A bum wine and staple of the Nightowl diet. Preferred flavor is Orange Jubilee. However, OJ has only 13% Alcohol content, versus 18% for the Grape flavor, which has a less desirable flavor.
Maintenance: a lowly sub-breed of primate, who's diet consists of boiled eggs and Nitro-Tech. identified by slanted forehead, leather motorcycle jacket, and the act of grunting sputtering streams of unintelligible nonsense from its slobbering piehole.
Mako’s: A former stronghold of drinking but not Going Big. Conquered by the Nightowls like York fell to William Wallace. Nightowls now receive free VIP passes and shots upon entrance to the area.
MojoGate: The September 11th, 2006 brawl which resulted in Candy getting stitches in his forehead, and Mojo earning a Meritorious Nightowl prospect selection. This fight may have ended Candy's fighting career with a record of 0-5.
Nein: Means no in German.
Nightowl: one who excels at drinking, breaking objects, and making an ass out of ones self in public.
Oscillator: A supplanted grease monkey who was trained to be an external pilot by Gunnamatna. Like Anakin Skywalker, Oscillator turned against his mentor in an effort to destroy Pioneers and become the greatest shitbag EP the world has ever known.
Paperweight: A long black object, made from metal, plastic, and hardened rubber. Usually comes with a strap for easy carrying. Disassembles in just seconds to create smaller paperweights of all shapes and sizes.
Penguin Plunge: The act of diving headfirst into a conversation you have nothing to do with, opening your mouth only to create a resting place for your feet. Requires sputtering sentence fragments consisting of, "Crew rest…uh..uh…S-3…hey…S-3".
Penguin: Also known as the "caboose" of the SgtMaj Express, can be seen watching movies during working hours, stealing office supplies, and what can only be described as "doing lines" from his superiors' buttholes.
Pig's Ham: A 300 lb or more female who wears an outfit tight enough to crack a tortoise shell, highlighting the tractor tire around her waste in glaring and vomit inducing detail.
Pile of Vomit: A colorful mound of bile, digested food and alcohol, forming in the discreet shape of a puppy fetus still wrapped in its placenta. Has the distinct scent of an intestinal catastrophe left in the sun for 3 days.
POO Site: Any geographical position that has been marked as a place where a possible target was once located, but has since vacated never to return again.
Poot: The position a gay man sleeps or lays down in, with ass propped up in a suggestive position, as if to entice a normally straight man to fuck him in the ass.
Popcopy: one of the earliest of Nightowl scandals, involving Budweiser and chocolate syrup.
Qatar: Nearest accessible alcohol purchasing station to TQ, yet limited by a ludicrous 1 trip per lifetime, and 3 drinks per day on a 4 day trip.
Rip It: A liquid amphetamine designed to keep Nightowls awake during flights which define the essence of boredom and inactivity.
RipDog: An Upper/Downer combination of RipIt and MadDog. This weird but infectious combination gives the feeling of euphoria and evil thoughts all at the same time. Must only be consumed during the absence of alcohol purchasing stations.
RQ2B Pioneer: A high performance, all weather, stealth aircraft employed by the US military to conduct such missions as scanning long island, Aquatic reaction drills (PROG FAIL), circling over expired "POO" sites, and providing real time video of the nosewheel so TFC can stroke their junk while watching "Combat".
S-1 Virus: Causes the disease "Penguin". The affected subject slowly morphs into a swamp assed collection of laziness, kleptomania, and brown nosing that possesses as much charisma as a cheese sandwich. Victims of Penguin consistently complain about co-workers' inadequacies, which remarkably resemble their own. If those suffering from S-1 are in any command position, they should be quarantined, since they draw as much respect as the average child molester.
S-4 Virus: Causes a disease commonly known as "False Motivation". Symptoms include excessively grunting and yelling at anything that moves within the affected subject's personal area, decreased judgment, and a heightened sense of empowerment with minimal rank. Failure to treat this disease may result in mental retardation, or in serious cases, the subject may eventually become a Squadron Gunny.
Satellite: A miracle performing heavenly body that uses magic to fix unrelated aircraft problems in the RQ-2B Pioneer.
Sawhney Syndrome: A non-infectious disease that causes its host to laugh uncontrollably at statements or bad jokes in proportion to the rank of the person who delivers them. Side effects include homoerotic contact and broken English.
Scan Eagle: A Ballistic Missile Employed by Boeing in Iraq. A 12 hour lifespan allows its operator to find a suitable target, then attack it in an uncontrolled, somersaulting yard sale that may or may not have the intended effect. A lack of a warhead makes the Scan Eagle a weak projectile, and is therefore being researched as a possible surveillance aircraft instead of a plastic high school science fair caliber cannonball.
Scip-Scap: see: triflin bitch
Sergeant Major Express: The proverbial Train of brown-nosers and ass-kissers who lack the mental capacity to evaluate their surroundings in a way that complies with the laws of reality. A big rolling obnoxious mass of motivation and cluelessness.
Single Riders: A program at theme parks which allows Nightowls to cut in front of Scip-Scaps and other Triflin beings.
Skittles: Also known as dermatitis eczema; A face scarring condition in which the victim appears to have been blasted 12 gauge at close range.
Slack Jawed Faggot: An individual who is unable to consume an item on the Nightowls Prospect Checklist. This title is given to a failed prospect who is then banished from his/her syllabus until a reprisal is formulated by the Captain.
Small Time: Achieving lesser states of mental incompetence by the repeated consumption of fermented vegetable drinks.
Squadron Gunny: An imaginary title invented to provide a fake sense of empowerment to people who have emotional deficiencies, and whose only talents are having big ears, yelling at people, and executing testicle draining skulljobs to men with higher rank, and a less fairy tale like job title. Obtaining this so called "position" requires little other than a permanent shit-eating grin in the presence of officers, and absence of the knowledge that you are a complete douchebag.
Terrell Owens: see: "Maintenance", and "Triflin Bitch"
The 'Oming: A social purgatory, wherein lives a collection of rednecks, old rednecks, hate criminals, and mentally challenged farmer children. Recognized as the leading producer of incompetent college athletes, and barrels of home made corn squeezed moonshine.
Thunderbird: A disgusting liquid. Dangerous to consume.
Tommy Gun: The inability to form a complete sentence or finish a statement in a normal fashion due to stoppages in nerve connections between the brain and the mouth. Also known as "3 round burst".
TQ: Al Taqaddum: A prison like installation which Nightowls are sent to from February to October. Devoid of alcohol purchasing stations.
Trick Ass: A prefix for a person who possesses a command position, yet has no credible notion of how to use it. Also given to individuals who scream for their body armor in the event of a controlled detonation, while hiding under tables.
Triflin Bitch: see: scip-scap
Triflin: Used to describe an individual or group as shady, lowdown dirty cunts that are not to be trusted or associated with unless an alcohol emergency has presented itself. Those described as such may want to hang around the alcohol, and may be permitted to until an escape plan has been formulated.
Turkeyneck: 50% Human, 50% Turkey, 100% Dirty, gravel eating whore.
WatchHog: An inferior Nightowl wannabe. Easily distinguished from the Nightowl by lack of flying talent, mindless "Moto" attitude, and raging obesity. Not to be confused with similar creatures such as pigs, hippos, or Roseanne Barr.
White Building: A sanctuary from motivation and Trick Asses, and a preferred place for a Nightowl to get some peace and quiet while hung over at work.
Zarqawi: A hairnet wearing, camel blowing terrorist who complained that if the US didn’t leave the middle east, he and his countrymen would never stop pissing their pants. Deceased.

GUNNAMATNA

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

OOPS

Women overall

Monday, February 26, 2007

Women....

ATL

Assimilation

Leave or stay...

Sunday, February 25, 2007

The Number 23

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Wyoming: The west's Stalingrad

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

FTS! FUCK THAT SHIT

ONE MORE THING

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