GUNNAMATNA

Saturday, May 12, 2007

2 Margarita, 5 beer, 1 jaeger, 1 tequila

Thats the recipe for my latest GoBig night. Also, I think I may be getting a motorcycle sometime in the future. American Choppers is my favorite TV show now, and I want one. I need to know when you guys are getting back so I can be there with enormous amounts of Ackahol.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Short timer’s attitude…

Yep that’s right, that’s what I was labeled by our Self Centered, CO sucking, Micro Managing, FuckTard gold clover out here! All because why?.......I don’t give him the proper greeting when I see him!! Is that ridiculous or what! Hell Vin, Fez, and the rest of you that have re-enlisted or extended, you are the hero’s of this Marine Corps! You pain loving freaks!! This shit is not for me!
On a lighter note, Gunny T and I continue to ridicule the hell out of Banjo. He has been a constant center of laughter here at the site; with that cheddar filled mouth and that rag tag bobbling head. Btw it will be Capt Banjo here soon…is that idiotic or what!
So Jolly –Red is enjoying herself down in Cuban Country right now, damn wish I could be there right now. Oh yeah I watched Grandma’s Boy…holy crap was that hilarious…talk about a quote movie
Alright fellow inebriated owls…have a good one..
Cuban –B –out
*Nov. 24th – A New Meaning of Going Big-

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Couple of things....

This is the 200th post in GUNNAMATNA history...our bi-centennial..hot damn...anyway..I never thought I would be longing for the day I could shipped off to TQ. I am going to turn into raging psycho if I don't get the FUCK out of here(TOO LATE). All Go Big'ng has been put on hold...people are getting soft and getting on my fuckin nerves. I am on the verge of expelling another Nightowl from the ministry due to his punk bitch behavior. It does no good to be nice to certain people they will only use that to fuck you in the ass....so fuck them...from now on it is cut-throat, asshole, prick, heartless bastard to all who fuck us over....Let start thinking about this years uniform update....If your name isn't on the commissioned list on this website then you don't get SHIT! Loyalty, Respect and having each others backs is only practiced by the few of us "real" Nightowls that remain. Fuck this shit! Oh yeah Wooly/MONGO should definitely be on here but we all know how he feels about computers.lol.. If bitches keep getting expelled we are gonna have to DEMOTE some Senior's to fill billets....what do you think? JOKING....

Saturday, May 5, 2007

We need to get Wooly on this site.

Kaiser, that needs to happen. Well folks it's Cinco de Mayo and since i am like 8 percent mexican. I feel it is my obligated duty to tell you to Go fucking Big. Huge, not for me, not even for yourselves, but for those crazy beaners who just want to jump the border and sell some oranges under an overpass. Be inspired by every landscaper who answers you with "Que?". They swim across the rio, jump the fence, and even crawl under just to take care of the shitty jobs, god bless the poor economy of Mexico, for blessing us with cheap labor, and more unwanton racism.
So tip back a corona, take a shot of Cabo and be glad your are not a wetback.

chimichangas for everyone,
fez

Monday, April 30, 2007

DET F is disbanded

Today this 30th day of April in the year of our Lord I order DET F of the Nightowl Ministry disbanded and they are to return to Headquarters Ministry for GO BIG de mayo..It is so ordered. Vin and Taz complete EP school and cease their rampage on the Heart of Dixie.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Fezzick and Bwaaw

Fez, did you disable your Woda account? if not, can i have the login so i can continue the Monarkos Comic? gonna try to get flox in there too.

The Draft!

The NFL draft that is. Randy Moss is a Patriot, Brady Quinn that lucky bastard, was drafted by....the browns. Sorry eflow, but his career is now over. And fuck you mike holmgren, for drafting a defensive end named Baraka. You just had to take your shots at me didnt you? The Lions also doomed another WR to obscurity by selecting Calvin Johnson. Is Matt Millen still in Detroit? who the hell is running that team? The Eagles picked a guy by the last name of Grubbs. Hopefully for them, he's from some normal part of civilization. Once again, the Texans had a chance to draft some impact players on offense and went for a Defensive Tackle with their only pick in the 1st two rounds. If you are a fan of this team, I feel sorry for you. If youve been a fan for more than 3 years though, youre a fucking moron.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

Ive had it with the tv shows and songs that say everyone is beautiful in their own ways. what a load of bullshit. NO its not true we should love everyone the way they are, thats what keeps them fat, ugly, or addicted to smack. Oprah is a god damn hypocrite. she tells us that were all special and should like our bodies no matter what, but everytime she explodes into jabba mode, she goes on a 6 month puke and starve diet, then cries on her show explaining how proud of herself she is that shes no longer a blob of gristley diarrhea. maybe shes just doing it to taunt people who cant lose weight by saying "ive lost 200 lbs on 19 seperate occasions!" How about people stop being content to be total slobs and take note of the disgusting parts of your body. AND FIX IT. if youre ugly, get some plastic surgery, if you cant afford that because the dishwasher sitting in your yard jacks up your electric bill, then start doing dishes by hand, maybe that will burn off the part of your arms that look like water filled sandwich bags. If youre fatter than that, try crobarring yourself off the couch and into your neighbors truck bed for a trip to the gym. But whatever you do, stop feeling good about yourself for having the "courage" to live looking like you do.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Hippie convention

So last weekend I went to a Kayak festival in Charleston (Said with my southern accent). I have never seen so many hippies of all ages there! Needless to say it was hosted by Subaru, which means that their were a ton of hippie carrying Subaru's there. It was awesome! I got so much free Subaru stuff. Here is a picture of my future car (but with a turbo of course!). I also scoped out the area while I was there. With four colleges and one medical university within a 2 mile radius of Down town Charleston I say it has potential! I say we do some planning.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Captain Vin Comic.

Click the pic for full size...if you dare.

Glossary

7-Day Store: The closest alcohol purchasing station to 4296.
96: A 72 hour liberty period.
Advon: A group who receives the special favor of returning home from an Iraq Deployment early. Persons who are given this privilege have usually sucked the necessary cocks to meet the minimum Advon requirements.
Alamo: A dilapidated rectangular building with an open center. A hive for SgtMaj Express passengers who live in an illusionary state of mind that gives them a false sense of security from a building that would be condemned even in The 'Oming.
Aries2000: Ancient Jedi weapon used for popping balloons, cauterizing paper cuts, removing tattoos and labeling its owner as a jackass.
Banana Slap: A near sacred ritual in which a passed out Nightowl is punished for retiring early for the night, by being smacked with an over-ripened potassium capsule. Can also be used on "Scip-Scaps".
Baraka: A facial disfigurement in which the victim appears to have been in a head on collision and smashed face first through both vehicles' windshields. With Ten being the pinnacle of female sexual desire, and One being the bottom of the barrel, these creatures are considered "under the barrel".
Bounding: An athletic sport that truly defines a Nightowl's agility.
Break-In: Smashing through a 4296 window like the Kool-Aid pitcher in a rallying attempt to persuade another Nightowl to Go Big. Also used when alcohol runs low, and the only remaining source is behind said window.
Camel Jockey: An individual who lives in a hardened mud hut, which possesses more satellite dishes than walls. Owns a vehicle that can only be operated using a skill called the "Flintstone Method", and can be seen firing weapons at clouds and playing Catch the bomb.
Cannon Vomit: Releasing the contents of ones stomach in a manner that resembles a collapsing levy in New Orleans.
Chicky Selecks: A food preferred by Dr. Gonzo, ordered in an asinine voice at the McDonalds drive through.
Chin Parasite: An alien from outer space that attaches itself to people who are subjective to addiction and self destructive habits. Results in binge drinking, compulsive gambling, gluttony and excessive masturbation, to feed the chin's sinful impulses.
Cobble Wobble: 2nd in line to Goldschlager in taking Vin to the highest levels of Going Big. Supreme violence and a loathing for people who are not going big at the time are the main side effects of Cobble Wobble.
Code Red: A drill in which a loud noise is reacted to in such a way that an observer would receive the impression that planet earth had been taken over by giant flesh eating mutant aliens packing RPG's and mortar tubes.
CTB: Catch The Bomb: The most popular sport in Iraq. Includes running, hiding and the overall goal, catching the bomb, which consists of breaking the fall of an object with your body, and scoring points by leaping into the air and spreading yourself over a wide area.
Dale Earnhardt: A fictional deity worshipped by mullet headed greasemonkeys,
Dick Stomp: Much like a dog having its throat crushed by a collar chain as it attempts to escape the yard, having your Dick Stomped is what happens when you try to apply logic to a situation, only to be stopped by someone who has a greater rank than you, and insists that things will be done in the most difficult and painful manner. This tactic is most common with members of a SgtMaj Express.
Dr. Gonzo: A state of mind achieved by Fez while going big, transforming the normally docile Nightowl into a Tasmanian devil like abomination, with equal quantities of shame and degradation. Also see: "drunk like tice"
Drunk Like Tice: A loud, annoying, possibly sobbing, uncontrollable form of self loathing and pity. Usually resulting in nudity and the feared "Cannon Vomit".
Eduardo Procedure: The art of cryogenically freezing mortally injured creatures to preserve their lives. Side effects include: death.
Faggotry: An adjective to describe ideas or actions deemed moronic or inappropriate for continuance.
Flak and Kevlar: A pair of restrictive clothing articles designed to make life suck even worse than normal at TQ. Includes Neck Chafer and Ball Bruiser attachments.
Flavaz: A reference for any type of liquor.
Florabecity: A disease that is spreading through Florida like the black plague through Europe. Causes Pig’s Ham in all affected subjects, and delusions of sex appeal, leading them to believe they should wear clothes designed for strippers.
FTS: Fuck That Shit; Used when a proposal or idea is counterproductive to the collective satisfaction of present individuals.
G'head: Permission to proceed.
George Bush: President of the United States. Former coke head, now just smokes reefer. Has single handedly ruined the credibility of the US presidency, while Horsefucking the Nightowls and jacking up gas prices.
Gnome: A repulsive, normally red headed creature who attempts to use rank pulling as an exit strategy when a plan to haze subordinates goes horribly wrong. Gnomes' feeble livers have almost zero tolerance to depressive liquid, leaving them red faced and unable to maintain even a modest grip on their surroundings after 2-4 oz. of any alcoholic substance.
Going Big: Drinking far in excess of what ones own alcoholic tolerance will safely allow, turning said person into a destructive, stumbling ball of violence and incoherency.
Goldschlager: A drink with gold flakes, a hint of cinnamon and made infamous with an incident involving Vin, Kaizer, an early evening retirement, Thunderbird, several other Nightowls and a banana. Heavy use of this item will result in Cannon Vomit or an unexplained Pile of Vomit (depending on the Nightowl in question).
Gunnamatna: As the unofficial war cry of the Nightowls, Gunnamatna can be heard from the upper deck of barracks 4169 during weekends when excessive intake of MadDog, Goldschlager, or other "Power Drinks" has taken place.
Half-Erection: Kind of hard, but pretty limp. Faces down, not straight at you, kind of like snuffalufagus trunk.
Hearts and Minds: The positions to aim the crosshairs of your paperweight if confronted by an Iraqi citizen.
Heathen: An individual who does not partake in the refreshing consumption of alcoholic beverages, regardless of legal age limit.
Hoggin': The acquisition and seduction of a female whose physical appearance is similar to John Madden. Should not be attempted unless you are in the midst of Going Big, and should be executed with extreme caution.
Horsefucked: A yearly occurrence which is a direct result of being a part of VMU2. see Iraq deployments.
Iraq Deployment: Also a yearly occurrence in which a Nightowl is cutoff from all opportunities to GO BIG. It is also a time in which a Nightowl's mental sanity is tested. Upon his or her return each Nightowl must go through the refresher GO BIG syllabus, which can be completed in one night, or on the Ireland to CHPT leg from TQ.
Ireland Leg: Following a deployment to TQ, the Nightowls may stop in Ireland on the way back to 4296. Timing is critical, and the best drinkers know to buy Liquor from the store instead of waiting in line for 1 or 2 nasty ass beers.
Jib Lip: A physical mandible deformity which causes a person to look as though they have spent the better part of their life using their upper jaw as a hammer.
K-Span: A structure built in TQ made of a wooden interior, designed to rot after just a few years use, and aluminum outer shell, to create up to 6 times more shrapnel in the event of an attack.
Long Island: A term used when eliminating 4 hours of your lifespan without getting anything in return.
Loud Noises: A common occurrence in TQ, created by controlled detonations and outgoing artillery fire. Can result in "Code Red".
MadDog: A bum wine and staple of the Nightowl diet. Preferred flavor is Orange Jubilee. However, OJ has only 13% Alcohol content, versus 18% for the Grape flavor, which has a less desirable flavor.
Maintenance: a lowly sub-breed of primate, who's diet consists of boiled eggs and Nitro-Tech. identified by slanted forehead, leather motorcycle jacket, and the act of grunting sputtering streams of unintelligible nonsense from its slobbering piehole.
Mako’s: A former stronghold of drinking but not Going Big. Conquered by the Nightowls like York fell to William Wallace. Nightowls now receive free VIP passes and shots upon entrance to the area.
MojoGate: The September 11th, 2006 brawl which resulted in Candy getting stitches in his forehead, and Mojo earning a Meritorious Nightowl prospect selection. This fight may have ended Candy's fighting career with a record of 0-5.
Nein: Means no in German.
Nightowl: one who excels at drinking, breaking objects, and making an ass out of ones self in public.
Oscillator: A supplanted grease monkey who was trained to be an external pilot by Gunnamatna. Like Anakin Skywalker, Oscillator turned against his mentor in an effort to destroy Pioneers and become the greatest shitbag EP the world has ever known.
Paperweight: A long black object, made from metal, plastic, and hardened rubber. Usually comes with a strap for easy carrying. Disassembles in just seconds to create smaller paperweights of all shapes and sizes.
Penguin Plunge: The act of diving headfirst into a conversation you have nothing to do with, opening your mouth only to create a resting place for your feet. Requires sputtering sentence fragments consisting of, "Crew rest…uh..uh…S-3…hey…S-3".
Penguin: Also known as the "caboose" of the SgtMaj Express, can be seen watching movies during working hours, stealing office supplies, and what can only be described as "doing lines" from his superiors' buttholes.
Pig's Ham: A 300 lb or more female who wears an outfit tight enough to crack a tortoise shell, highlighting the tractor tire around her waste in glaring and vomit inducing detail.
Pile of Vomit: A colorful mound of bile, digested food and alcohol, forming in the discreet shape of a puppy fetus still wrapped in its placenta. Has the distinct scent of an intestinal catastrophe left in the sun for 3 days.
POO Site: Any geographical position that has been marked as a place where a possible target was once located, but has since vacated never to return again.
Poot: The position a gay man sleeps or lays down in, with ass propped up in a suggestive position, as if to entice a normally straight man to fuck him in the ass.
Popcopy: one of the earliest of Nightowl scandals, involving Budweiser and chocolate syrup.
Qatar: Nearest accessible alcohol purchasing station to TQ, yet limited by a ludicrous 1 trip per lifetime, and 3 drinks per day on a 4 day trip.
Rip It: A liquid amphetamine designed to keep Nightowls awake during flights which define the essence of boredom and inactivity.
RipDog: An Upper/Downer combination of RipIt and MadDog. This weird but infectious combination gives the feeling of euphoria and evil thoughts all at the same time. Must only be consumed during the absence of alcohol purchasing stations.
RQ2B Pioneer: A high performance, all weather, stealth aircraft employed by the US military to conduct such missions as scanning long island, Aquatic reaction drills (PROG FAIL), circling over expired "POO" sites, and providing real time video of the nosewheel so TFC can stroke their junk while watching "Combat".
S-1 Virus: Causes the disease "Penguin". The affected subject slowly morphs into a swamp assed collection of laziness, kleptomania, and brown nosing that possesses as much charisma as a cheese sandwich. Victims of Penguin consistently complain about co-workers' inadequacies, which remarkably resemble their own. If those suffering from S-1 are in any command position, they should be quarantined, since they draw as much respect as the average child molester.
S-4 Virus: Causes a disease commonly known as "False Motivation". Symptoms include excessively grunting and yelling at anything that moves within the affected subject's personal area, decreased judgment, and a heightened sense of empowerment with minimal rank. Failure to treat this disease may result in mental retardation, or in serious cases, the subject may eventually become a Squadron Gunny.
Satellite: A miracle performing heavenly body that uses magic to fix unrelated aircraft problems in the RQ-2B Pioneer.
Sawhney Syndrome: A non-infectious disease that causes its host to laugh uncontrollably at statements or bad jokes in proportion to the rank of the person who delivers them. Side effects include homoerotic contact and broken English.
Scan Eagle: A Ballistic Missile Employed by Boeing in Iraq. A 12 hour lifespan allows its operator to find a suitable target, then attack it in an uncontrolled, somersaulting yard sale that may or may not have the intended effect. A lack of a warhead makes the Scan Eagle a weak projectile, and is therefore being researched as a possible surveillance aircraft instead of a plastic high school science fair caliber cannonball.
Scip-Scap: see: triflin bitch
Sergeant Major Express: The proverbial Train of brown-nosers and ass-kissers who lack the mental capacity to evaluate their surroundings in a way that complies with the laws of reality. A big rolling obnoxious mass of motivation and cluelessness.
Single Riders: A program at theme parks which allows Nightowls to cut in front of Scip-Scaps and other Triflin beings.
Skittles: Also known as dermatitis eczema; A face scarring condition in which the victim appears to have been blasted 12 gauge at close range.
Slack Jawed Faggot: An individual who is unable to consume an item on the Nightowls Prospect Checklist. This title is given to a failed prospect who is then banished from his/her syllabus until a reprisal is formulated by the Captain.
Small Time: Achieving lesser states of mental incompetence by the repeated consumption of fermented vegetable drinks.
Squadron Gunny: An imaginary title invented to provide a fake sense of empowerment to people who have emotional deficiencies, and whose only talents are having big ears, yelling at people, and executing testicle draining skulljobs to men with higher rank, and a less fairy tale like job title. Obtaining this so called "position" requires little other than a permanent shit-eating grin in the presence of officers, and absence of the knowledge that you are a complete douchebag.
Terrell Owens: see: "Maintenance", and "Triflin Bitch"
The 'Oming: A social purgatory, wherein lives a collection of rednecks, old rednecks, hate criminals, and mentally challenged farmer children. Recognized as the leading producer of incompetent college athletes, and barrels of home made corn squeezed moonshine.
Thunderbird: A disgusting liquid. Dangerous to consume.
Tommy Gun: The inability to form a complete sentence or finish a statement in a normal fashion due to stoppages in nerve connections between the brain and the mouth. Also known as "3 round burst".
TQ: Al Taqaddum: A prison like installation which Nightowls are sent to from February to October. Devoid of alcohol purchasing stations.
Trick Ass: A prefix for a person who possesses a command position, yet has no credible notion of how to use it. Also given to individuals who scream for their body armor in the event of a controlled detonation, while hiding under tables.
Triflin Bitch: see: scip-scap
Triflin: Used to describe an individual or group as shady, lowdown dirty cunts that are not to be trusted or associated with unless an alcohol emergency has presented itself. Those described as such may want to hang around the alcohol, and may be permitted to until an escape plan has been formulated.
Turkeyneck: 50% Human, 50% Turkey, 100% Dirty, gravel eating whore.
WatchHog: An inferior Nightowl wannabe. Easily distinguished from the Nightowl by lack of flying talent, mindless "Moto" attitude, and raging obesity. Not to be confused with similar creatures such as pigs, hippos, or Roseanne Barr.
White Building: A sanctuary from motivation and Trick Asses, and a preferred place for a Nightowl to get some peace and quiet while hung over at work.
Zarqawi: A hairnet wearing, camel blowing terrorist who complained that if the US didn’t leave the middle east, he and his countrymen would never stop pissing their pants. Deceased.